Political Gum Hockey

Political Commentary and Humor

Herman Cain “Suspends” Presidential Campaign – Translating the “Politician-Speak”

As I already said four days ago, Herman Cain has dropped out of the Presidential race.  Needless to say, he dropped out using “politician-speak.”  So let me translate:

The words: “I am suspending my campaign.

The meaning: I’m quitting.

Come on.  Other than the fake suspension of John McCain’s campaign, “suspending” means ending. [Note about McCain. While he used the word suspension, he didn’t actually officially and legally suspend his campaign. He merely used it as a publicity stunt.]

The words: “These false and unproved allegations continue to be spinned in the media and in the court of public opinion so as to create a cloud of doubt over me and this campaign and my family.”

The meaning: I’m screwed.

While Cain claims that the allegations are false, unproven and “spinned,” the fact is that at least two of the harassment cases resulted in financial settlements by the organization Cain headed.  The fact that there were settlements doesn’t necessarily mean he actually did anything wrong, but it does demonstrate that those women did, in fact, make those allegations at the time and are not simply making stuff up 20 years later.  As for the most recent allegation, i.e., by a woman who claims a 13-year on-and-off casual affair with Cain, the rapidity in which Cain ended his campaign doesn’t exactly inspire confidence that his denials were an accurate reflection of reality.

The words:I have made many mistakes in life, everybody has.

The meaning: I did it.

Think about it. First he denies doing anything wrong, then admits that he has made “mistakes in life.” Obviously he’s not suddenly remembering the time as a child he ate a Cheetos that had fallen into a mud puddle (which is pretty gross, but not something that rises to the level of making “many mistakes in life”).  Bottom line, the guy probably (but not proven) did some things that could have been interpreted by the various women as being what they say he did.

The words: “I’m turning to “Plan B.

The meaning: I still want to sell books and make money off of this deal.

Or from a less capitalistic perspective, Cain is trying to save face.

The words: “I starting a new website so I can continue to be a voice for the people.

The meaning: Given that I officially suspended my campaign, I am no longer legally able to collect money from you folks on my campaign web site.  So I have to set up a new one.

‘Nuff said.

The words: “I am proof that a common man could lead this nation.”

The meaning: I’m delusional.

Seriously.  First off, while he certainly started off in a family of modest means, to refer to himself as a “common man” is to forget that he has spent most of his adult life as a corporate executive, including Chairman and CEO of a pizza corporation (where he closed hundreds of stores and laid off thousands of workers), being Deputy Chairman of the Board of Directors of the regional Federal Reserve Bank (where he got to play with billions of dollars), and President and CEO of the National Restaurant Association (from which he lobbied Congress and, according to those who got settlements, played a bit loose on the harassment laws).  Secondly, Herman Cain had about a zero percent chance of becoming President even before the (unproven) allegations came to light.  The tea party, who were the only ones who seemed to miss the memo that he was just out there trying to sell books, had raised him to a level that apparently made him dizzy (which is why he complained more than once that it was all happening so fast and there were so many things that his handlers stuck in his head that he couldn’t think straight).  Thirdly, “lead the nation?” This from someone who didn’t even lead an organization to campaign in any of the primary and caucus states.  He had essentially no organization whatsoever.  He spent more time in states that won’t even be a part of the nomination decision-making process than he did in the top 5+ early caucus/primary states (but just happened to coincide with where his publisher thought he could sell more books and his campaign advisers could attend a football game on the campaign dime).  The only reason he was getting any attention is because the other tea party nut jobs had already imploded.  And with Cain himself imploding (which, again, had already happened long before the allegations), the tea party has already moved on to their next savior of the week.

So notwithstanding his face-saving and/or delusional “suspension” speech, Cain will quickly follow Sarah Palin down into irrelevancy.

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December 3, 2011 - Posted by | 2012, Herman Cain, Tea Party | , , ,

2 Comments »

  1. That’s pretty much spot on. Will Cain get back in to talk radio or perhaps he will get a tv show?

    Comment by k466 | December 3, 2011 | Reply

    • I suppose whether Cain gets back into talk radio and replaces Palin on Fox depends on whether he actually did the things that the various women say he did. Even if he did, he could pull a Spitzer once enough time has passed for him to become irrelevant. But then, he would still be irrelevant.

      Comment by politicalgumhockey | December 4, 2011 | Reply


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