Political Gum Hockey

Political Commentary and Humor

Stick a Pizza Slice in it, Cain is done

In what will be looked back upon with irony, this was the week that signaled the end with the tea party’s love affair with their most recent “savior of the week.”  Herman Cain is done.

First there was the 9-9-9 fiasco at the Republican debate where we all realized that Citizen Cain had no clue what his 9-9-9 plan really was all about.  For him it was a cute bumper sticker phrase and nothing else.  I mean, no one really cares about these meaningless campaign popperies, do they?  It’s not like anyone actually believed 9-9-9 was a real plan that could even be proposed to Congress for passage.  It’s just a joke, right.  Surely you can’t hold that against Herman Cain.  Sure, it raises taxes on the poor and virtually eliminates taxes on the super-rich, but hey, we’ll just change the plan on the fly…yeah, that’s it, we’ll call it the 9-0-9 plan just for poor people…yeah, and marry Morgan Fairchild.  Yeah, that’s the ticket.


Then there was the revelation that Herman Cain did what the tea party so enjoys – he laid off thousands of Godfather Pizza workers and closed hundreds of stores, just so he could make more profit.  Yep, that’s the tea party ideal.

And how about electrifying the border fence between the US and Mexico so that those illegal aliens will fry themselves and save us the trouble of having to not actually secretly be hiring illegal aliens.  Oh, that’s just a joke folks.  You all have to get a sense of humor, I mean, if a potential future President of the United States can’t make a simple joke about murdering people, what else is there?

Oh, but then he decided that he would pull a Palin and say one thing while contradicting himself in the same breath.  Then blame everyone else for being confused.  Yep.  Only this time instead of screwing the poor he says he is Pro-Choice on abortion.  Or Pro-Life.  Or both.  Who knows what he said.  But the tea party sure didn’t like it.  Now they know that he isn’t on their side in the fight to ensure the rights of the individual to tell all women that they cannot do what they legally can choose to do, i.e., make a choice.  Hey, they’re women.  They need to listen to the men-folk, right?  Can’t have them getting all educated and making their own decisions and such.

Next up is Cain saying he would trade al Qaeda detainees from Gitmo for US soldiers, a la the recent release of hundreds of Palestinians for one Israeli soldier held for the last 5 years.  But then no, he wouldn’t ever do such a thing.  Or maybe.  What was the question again?  It seems things get moving a tad too quickly for Cain to keep up.  I mean, it’s difficult when you’re making stuff up as you go along, you know.

Then today Cain “The Self-Hermenator” shows that he has absolutely no knowledge whatsoever of basic civics.  Yep, old Herman will sure sign that Constitutional Amendment banning abortions.  Huh?  Did he really say that?  Let’s go to the video tape – “”I feel that strongly about it. If we can get the necessary support and it comes to my desk I’ll sign it. That’s all I can do. I will sign it.”  Yep, he said it.  He actually said that as President he would “sign a Constitutional amendment.” He “will sign it.”  It’s all he can do.  WRONG.  This isn’t just a man who wants to run for President, this is a man that the tea party is head over heels in love with and thinks would be a fantastic President.  A man that has no clue that Constitutional Amendments don’t get signed by the President.

This is tea party America.  Sarah “Grizzly Momma” Palin.  Christine “I Am Not a Witch” O’Donnell.” Sharron “Second Amendment Solutions” Angle.  Donald “It’s Not a Wig” Trump.  Michele “I Raised 23 Kids” (oh, plus 5 of my own) Bachmann.  “Secession Rick” (but give me federal drought aid) Perry.  And now Herman “I’d Sign a Constitutional Amendment and am Pro/Anti-Choice and Raising Taxes on the Poor While Getting Rid of Taxes on the Rich” Cain.

Oh, and don’t forget Herman Cain is an anti-Muslim bigot whose only experience is to close businesses and lay off workers.

Thank you tea party.  Can I have my country back now?

October 23, 2011 - Posted by | 2012, Herman Cain, Tea Party | , , , , ,


  1. I love your blog. Your take on pizza boy is at once insightful and hilarious. So who’s the next Tea Party brew of the month?

    Comment by E. Gray | October 23, 2011 | Reply

    • I am right there with you on this Tea Party thing… I have a question, what would FoxNews, and Limbag, hannity and that ilk have said about the Occupy movement if they were marching around there with Rifles, and pistols, etc,..? That they are here to overthrow the Government and take all of OUR money..

      I didn’t hear the bit about the Constitutional Amendment… That is rich. You know what it says above all else about old Hermie? First, it’s obvious that Herm doesn’t know Constitution from Constipation, Second, the man is simply a windbag and the more he talks more he sounds like he is lying about all of these women. And, I think the commercial by a group supporting Herman was a faux pas in the first degree, comparing Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill to Herman Cain and his failed liaison’s is simply wrong headed, I watched those hearings and Clarence Thomas was GUILTY and Anita Hill 100 percent credible SO there was NEVER a high tech lynching as people are saying and so is clown Herman Cain. A Question denier’s have to ask themselves before calling B.S. on the accuser is; why would a woman, OR more than one woman come forward and expose themselves to the scrutiny they are sure to get? And, why in EVERY case of a man throwing his hat in the ring for President aren’t there women coming forward to accuse them ALL of sexual harassment, could it be because they only do so because it really happened?? In my lifetime every case of sexual harassment or something more that I can think of the men were guilty; formr Colorado Senator Gary Hart, Sex addict and former President ‘Clint Billman’, Clarence Thomas (Anita Hill, a professional woman, come on she didn’t want to testify), Edward ‘Teddy’ Kennedy, Gary Conditt, and so now here we have this guy, “I don’t know my ass from 3rd base about “Government” but I still wanna be yo President, I Herman Cain.”
      The internal polling on Herm in October had him leading among all the candidates in support by women at 28 percent, but just a few hours ago the new poll has him hovering around 15 percent with the girls. This is for HERM; Look, Herm if the girls don’t like ya not only do they spread it to other women, but they twist the old man’s ear off until he says uncle too! I’m Sorry, “I-HERMAN-CAIN” but you screwed the pooch big-time this-time fella.

      Comment by Zach van draden (@bootspur) | November 11, 2011 | Reply

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