Stick a Pizza Slice in it, Cain is done
First there was the 9-9-9 fiasco at the Republican debate where we all realized that Citizen Cain had no clue what his 9-9-9 plan really was all about. For him it was a cute bumper sticker phrase and nothing else. I mean, no one really cares about these meaningless campaign popperies, do they? It’s not like anyone actually believed 9-9-9 was a real plan that could even be proposed to Congress for passage. It’s just a joke, right. Surely you can’t hold that against Herman Cain. Sure, it raises taxes on the poor and virtually eliminates taxes on the super-rich, but hey, we’ll just change the plan on the fly…yeah, that’s it, we’ll call it the 9-0-9 plan just for poor people…yeah, and marry Morgan Fairchild. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Then there was the revelation that Herman Cain did what the tea party so enjoys – he laid off thousands of Godfather Pizza workers and closed hundreds of stores, just so he could make more profit. Yep, that’s the tea party ideal.
And how about electrifying the border fence between the US and Mexico so that those illegal aliens will fry themselves and save us the trouble of having to not actually secretly be hiring illegal aliens. Oh, that’s just a joke folks. You all have to get a sense of humor, I mean, if a potential future President of the United States can’t make a simple joke about murdering people, what else is there?
Oh, but then he decided that he would pull a Palin and say one thing while contradicting himself in the same breath. Then blame everyone else for being confused. Yep. Only this time instead of screwing the poor he says he is Pro-Choice on abortion. Or Pro-Life. Or both. Who knows what he said. But the tea party sure didn’t like it. Now they know that he isn’t on their side in the fight to ensure the rights of the individual to tell all women that they cannot do what they legally can choose to do, i.e., make a choice. Hey, they’re women. They need to listen to the men-folk, right? Can’t have them getting all educated and making their own decisions and such.
Next up is Cain saying he would trade al Qaeda detainees from Gitmo for US soldiers, a la the recent release of hundreds of Palestinians for one Israeli soldier held for the last 5 years. But then no, he wouldn’t ever do such a thing. Or maybe. What was the question again? It seems things get moving a tad too quickly for Cain to keep up. I mean, it’s difficult when you’re making stuff up as you go along, you know.
Then today Cain “The Self-Hermenator” shows that he has absolutely no knowledge whatsoever of basic civics. Yep, old Herman will sure sign that Constitutional Amendment banning abortions. Huh? Did he really say that? Let’s go to the video tape – “”I feel that strongly about it. If we can get the necessary support and it comes to my desk I’ll sign it. That’s all I can do. I will sign it.” Yep, he said it. He actually said that as President he would “sign a Constitutional amendment.” He “will sign it.” It’s all he can do. WRONG. This isn’t just a man who wants to run for President, this is a man that the tea party is head over heels in love with and thinks would be a fantastic President. A man that has no clue that Constitutional Amendments don’t get signed by the President.
This is tea party America. Sarah “Grizzly Momma” Palin. Christine “I Am Not a Witch” O’Donnell.” Sharron “Second Amendment Solutions” Angle. Donald “It’s Not a Wig” Trump. Michele “I Raised 23 Kids” (oh, plus 5 of my own) Bachmann. “Secession Rick” (but give me federal drought aid) Perry. And now Herman “I’d Sign a Constitutional Amendment and am Pro/Anti-Choice and Raising Taxes on the Poor While Getting Rid of Taxes on the Rich” Cain.
Oh, and don’t forget Herman Cain is an anti-Muslim bigot whose only experience is to close businesses and lay off workers.
Thank you tea party. Can I have my country back now?