Political Gum Hockey

Political Commentary and Humor

Stick a Pizza Slice in it, Cain is done

In what will be looked back upon with irony, this was the week that signaled the end with the tea party’s love affair with their most recent “savior of the week.”  Herman Cain is done.

First there was the 9-9-9 fiasco at the Republican debate where we all realized that Citizen Cain had no clue what his 9-9-9 plan really was all about.  For him it was a cute bumper sticker phrase and nothing else.  I mean, no one really cares about these meaningless campaign popperies, do they?  It’s not like anyone actually believed 9-9-9 was a real plan that could even be proposed to Congress for passage.  It’s just a joke, right.  Surely you can’t hold that against Herman Cain.  Sure, it raises taxes on the poor and virtually eliminates taxes on the super-rich, but hey, we’ll just change the plan on the fly…yeah, that’s it, we’ll call it the 9-0-9 plan just for poor people…yeah, and marry Morgan Fairchild.  Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Please.

Then there was the revelation that Herman Cain did what the tea party so enjoys – he laid off thousands of Godfather Pizza workers and closed hundreds of stores, just so he could make more profit.  Yep, that’s the tea party ideal.

And how about electrifying the border fence between the US and Mexico so that those illegal aliens will fry themselves and save us the trouble of having to not actually secretly be hiring illegal aliens.  Oh, that’s just a joke folks.  You all have to get a sense of humor, I mean, if a potential future President of the United States can’t make a simple joke about murdering people, what else is there?

Oh, but then he decided that he would pull a Palin and say one thing while contradicting himself in the same breath.  Then blame everyone else for being confused.  Yep.  Only this time instead of screwing the poor he says he is Pro-Choice on abortion.  Or Pro-Life.  Or both.  Who knows what he said.  But the tea party sure didn’t like it.  Now they know that he isn’t on their side in the fight to ensure the rights of the individual to tell all women that they cannot do what they legally can choose to do, i.e., make a choice.  Hey, they’re women.  They need to listen to the men-folk, right?  Can’t have them getting all educated and making their own decisions and such.

Next up is Cain saying he would trade al Qaeda detainees from Gitmo for US soldiers, a la the recent release of hundreds of Palestinians for one Israeli soldier held for the last 5 years.  But then no, he wouldn’t ever do such a thing.  Or maybe.  What was the question again?  It seems things get moving a tad too quickly for Cain to keep up.  I mean, it’s difficult when you’re making stuff up as you go along, you know.

Then today Cain “The Self-Hermenator” shows that he has absolutely no knowledge whatsoever of basic civics.  Yep, old Herman will sure sign that Constitutional Amendment banning abortions.  Huh?  Did he really say that?  Let’s go to the video tape – “”I feel that strongly about it. If we can get the necessary support and it comes to my desk I’ll sign it. That’s all I can do. I will sign it.”  Yep, he said it.  He actually said that as President he would “sign a Constitutional amendment.” He “will sign it.”  It’s all he can do.  WRONG.  This isn’t just a man who wants to run for President, this is a man that the tea party is head over heels in love with and thinks would be a fantastic President.  A man that has no clue that Constitutional Amendments don’t get signed by the President.

This is tea party America.  Sarah “Grizzly Momma” Palin.  Christine “I Am Not a Witch” O’Donnell.” Sharron “Second Amendment Solutions” Angle.  Donald “It’s Not a Wig” Trump.  Michele “I Raised 23 Kids” (oh, plus 5 of my own) Bachmann.  “Secession Rick” (but give me federal drought aid) Perry.  And now Herman “I’d Sign a Constitutional Amendment and am Pro/Anti-Choice and Raising Taxes on the Poor While Getting Rid of Taxes on the Rich” Cain.

Oh, and don’t forget Herman Cain is an anti-Muslim bigot whose only experience is to close businesses and lay off workers.

Thank you tea party.  Can I have my country back now?

October 23, 2011 Posted by | 2012, Herman Cain, Tea Party | , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Implosion of the Republican Candidates for President

The past few weeks have seen a remarkable implosion of the 2012 Republican candidates for President.  And it’s only October, still 3 months before the first (early) ballots are cast.

Not long ago Michele Bachmann was riding high on her win in the Iowa straw polls.  The straw poll, which actually hasn’t been a very good predictor of who wins the Iowa caucuses or the nomination, was for some reason seen as a watershed moment.  Bachmann wins! Bachmann rises to the top of the field!  Bachmann got less votes than she had paid for in tickets! Oh. Since then Bachmann’s fortunes have run down like an unsuspecting sucker at a curbside craps game.  In fact, “since then” was immediate, as in when Rick Perry declared his candidacy the very same day as the Iowa straw poll.  And since then her campaign manager has dumped her (and trashed her), her campaign is racking up debt, and now her New Hampshire campaign team has resigned en masse (or not, depending on who you ask).  Other campaign staffers haven’t been paid in at least a month.  So the tea party backing of Bachmann is back to back-stabbing and backward glances as Bachmann struggles desperately to keep her head above water.

Then there is Rick Perry himself.  He flashed onto the scene and immediately was elevated by the tea party crowd as their newest savior (claiming that he was their first choice all along, well, after all the others who said no).  Then Perry did something he regretted.  He showed up at a Republican debate.  Big mistake.  Perry’s performance was at best uneven.  And it was all downhill from there.  Half the time he seemed to barely there in ensuing debates.  And when he did say something it usually made him sound like he didn’t have the foggiest what he was saying.  Not the kind of performances that inspire the passion of the zealots on whom his candidacy must rely.  And so he sank from the top to somewhere in that middle where former top people go before they disappear into the ooze with the rest of the bottom feeders.  His most recent performance woke up the zealots, but showed that he could counter his lack of knowledge and debating adroitness with arrogance and pettiness.  Good one.

The latest to implode is Herman Cain.  What’s surprising is not that he is imploding but that the tea party had chosen him to inflate beyond all proportion in the first place.  Cain made a name for himself early in the debates by declaring that he is an anti-Muslim bigot.  Since then he has stolen a ridiculous catch-phrase (9-9-9) from a video game and even more ridiculously suggested that it was a serious attempt to fix the tax system.  Which he would do by raising taxes on the working poor and the middle class while virtually eliminating taxes on the very wealthiest.  That is exactly in line with what the tea party has pushed with nearly all of its hostage-taking tactics, so there is no surprise they love it. [It’s also in line with how he made Pizza Hut profitable – by closing half of its stores and laying off thousands of workers.]  Clearly a serious contender for the Presidency can’t have such a complete lack of awareness of his own silliness, but there it is every day.   And now he’s devolved into Palinesque incoherency where, as one conservative commentator and former Republican congressman put it, Cain is just making stuff up as he goes along.  Cain isn’t very able.

Which leaves who?  Mitt Romney, of course, who other than this last debate came off as being one of the few adults in the room (not counting the journalist moderators).  In the “adult” category you can add Jon Huntsman, but he seems way too reasonable for the tea party (not to mention his comedic timing is really really bad).  There is Newt Gingrich, who sort of sounds like an adult because he uses bigger words than the others, but also has a tendency to sound petulant.  There is Rick Santorum…oh, never mind.  There’s those two or three guys who are running that no one knows because they can’t garner enough support to even qualify for the debates (which is pretty sad given that Herman Cain is there and so is Jon Huntsman, who can’t seem to get much more than his immediate family to notice him).  And let’s not forget Ron Paul, who has a loyal following amongst the more libertarian folks who think the American government is some communist plot to steal all of our freedoms.

So we have the tea party running the Republican show these days and latching onto every incompetent nutjob they can find to be – in  succession, – “The One.”  And each and every “The One” sprints to the front of the pack only to be run over by the pack as they flame out and drop into the mud of their own creation.  Then there are the also-rans that run also, but nowhere fast.  And then there are the serious candidates.  Right now the closest thing to a serious candidate the Republican party can muster is “the next guy in line,” Mitt Romney.  And the tea party (rightly) hates him.  Romney epitomizes everything the tea party says they hate about government – the slick establishment politician, the “say anything to get elected” candidate, the “compromiser,” and OMG, he’s not the “right kind” of Christian.

So will the tea party prove themselves to be hypocrites and vote for Romney knowing that Romney would actually not do any of the things the tea party wants him to do?  Or would they “stick to their principles” and make sure Romney doesn’t get the Republican nomination.  After all, Romney is “one of them establishment” politicians and “not one of us.”

October 22, 2011 Posted by | 2012, Herman Cain, Jon Huntsman, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republican, Rick Perry, Ron Paul, Sarah Palin, Tea Party | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Ronald Reagan Tells Tea Party They are Wrong

You read that right.  The man who started the conservative movement and who all conservatives look to for inspiration and with adulation – Ronald Reagan – agrees with President Obama.

This is what Ronald Reagan said:

“We’re going to close the unproductive tax loopholes that allow some of the truly wealthy to avoid paying their fair share….In practice, they [the tax loopholes] made it possible for millionaires to pay nothing while a bus driver was paying 10% of his salary.  And that’s crazy.”

Today the tea party has been fighting to expand those tax loopholes that allow the richest 1% to not pay their fair share.  The tea party is fighting to expand those tax loopholes that allow the most profitable corporations to avoid paying taxes.  At the same time, the tea party is fighting to increase the debt, fighting to increase the taxes on the working poor and middle class, and fighting against any tax breaks for small and medium sized businesses.

The tea party is effectively owned and operated by the Koch brothers lobbying machine for the benefit of the super-rich 1% and the most profitable big corporations.  They are living in a fantasyland that could take America down with it.

The tea party is so hypocritical that they wear Ronald Reagan’s legacy proudly on their puffed up chests while cynically spitting on his values.  Reagan would not even be allowed into today’s tea party Republicans.

And that is a travesty.

October 16, 2011 Posted by | Ronald Reagan, Tea Party | , , , , | Leave a comment

With Giuliani declaring he won’t run for President in 2012, who has the best “Giuliani catchphrase” in tonight’s Republican debate?

In breaking news that no one cares about, Rudy Giuliani has announced that he will not run for President in 2012.  Yes, it is a shock.  Who knew that he was even considering it?  Wow.

In any case, I’m sure most remember the Giuli joke of 2008 in which someone notes “There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence — a noun, a verb, and 9/11.”

So who will get this year’s coveted Giuli award for most repeated meaningless phrase?  Let’s take a look at tonight’s Republican debate in New Hampshire for a clue:

Michele Bachmann: “yada, yada, yada…I raised 23 foster children…yada, yada, yada”

Herman Cain: “yada, yada, yada…9-9-9…yada, yada, yada”

Ron Paul: “yada, yada, yada…audit the Fed…yada, yada, yada”

Mitt Romney: “yada, yada, yada…overly slick but generally informed discourse…yada, yada, yada”

Rick Perry: “yada, yada, yada…y’all…yada, yada, yada”

Newt Gingrich: “yada, yada, yada…yada, yada, yada…yada, yada, yada”

Rick Santorum: “yada, yada, yada…family values…yada, yada, yada”

Jon Huntsman: “yada, yada, yada…not quite as slick but still informed discourse…yada, yada, yada”

And the winner of tonight’s debate?

Does it matter?

October 11, 2011 Posted by | 2012, 9/11, Herman Cain, Jon Huntsman, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republican, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Tea Party | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The tea party tries to violate the Constitutional rights of the poor and minorities with Voter ID laws

The Republican party, led by the nose by the ideological tea party members that took over many state legislatures last year, has been intentionally and deliberately trying to violate the Constitutional right to vote of the poor and minorities through the introduction of Voter ID laws.  The Republican party’s intent is to put so many obstacles in the path of the poor and minorities – much like the poll taxes and literacy tests of the past – that it substantially reduces the number of poor and minorities that vote. Why? Because the poor and minorities tend to vote overwhelmingly for Democrats. With so many tea party extremists getting into state-level offices last year, they immediately started trying to force through laws that – like the old racist laws of the past designed to limit the African-American vote – are intended to make it difficult for the poor and minorities to vote.

This is an intentional attempt by the tea party to violate the Constitutional rights of the poor and minorities.

This is no wild conspiracy theory.  This is widely reported, intensely substantiated, and has been occurring for decades. And now with the tea party holding the Republican party and the rest of the country hostage in order to give more tax cuts to the richest 1% (while trying to increase taxes on the working poor and middle class) and open up more tax loopholes that allow the richest corporations to avoid taxes and send more jobs overseas (while trying to block any attempts to give tax breaks to small and medium sized companies who hire American workers), these intentional attempts to violate the Constitutional rights of the poor and minorities have increased.

The tea party Republicans doesn’t come out and say this directly, of course.  They claim that these voter ID laws are needed to combat rampant voter fraud.  That there are substantial invalid votes being counted as valid.

Poppycock.  There is no such thing.  The occurrences of voter fraud (i.e., invalid votes being counted as valid) is virtually non-existent. So there is no need for the development of onerous obstacles to voting..  In fact, these Voter ID laws will cause the non-counting of thousands, perhaps tens of thousands, of valid votes for every one invalid vote it prevents. Read here for more about how Voter ID discriminates against the old and the poor and the minority.

So why are the Republicans doing this? Because the poor and minorities overwhelmingly vote for Democrats. So if the Republicans can institute laws that make it disproportionately more difficult for the poor and minorities to vote, then they will effectively reduce the number of votes to Democratic candidates.  This is, of course, the real goal of “Voter ID.” It is to disenfranchise the poor and the old and minorities and reduce the number of potential Democratic voters.

That is the one and only reason for these laws. Not to ensure against voter fraud, but to commit voter fraud and effectively violate the Constitutional rights of the poor and minorities.

We’re back to the days that led to the Civil Rights Act. Which many in the tea party should be amended to allow people to discriminate against African-Americans, Latinos, Asians, gays, Muslims (and other non-Christians), and anyone else that the tea party doesn’t deem to be “the right kind of Americans.”

The tea party is the Know Nothing party all over again.

October 10, 2011 Posted by | Republican, Tea Party, Voter ID | , , , , , | Leave a comment